When people think of Iowa, they think of corn fields, pigs, massive tenderloin sandwiches, large amounts of beer consumption on gravel roads, tailgating and giant indoor rainforests. Most people do not think of bat-shit crazy people, incidents and crimes. Here in Iowa City, we’re all about changing people’s views of Iowa by shattering stereotypes of good ol’ midwesterners.

It all started earlier this year with the story of the Sueppel family. I remember being in a state of disbelief over this story, and yet not all at the same time. It seems like well off, WASPy, white collar individuals are most likely to pull this stunt. Whenever I hear about a murder-suicide, I automatically assume they have a six or seven figure income, a mini-van or SUV, a house valued at at least $350,000, they are active in the community and they are most likely dedicated church-going individuals who are, of course, awesome people because of that fact.

Next, the U of I is under investigation for the fact that they “forgot” to give the Board of Regents a document in the case of the alleged sexual assault by two football players. I’m not even going to bother linking anything other than the main page of stories as it is a ridiculous amount of information to process. People think the U of I is a part of a major cover-up and whatnot. While I doubt that, there are a lot of fishy details.

Then there are the random crimes such as the drunk dude who bit off his buddy’s nose, the ninja robbers, the naked burgler, and any number of Iowa Football player crimes.

But, the most recent story hits the freaking jackpot.

Arthur Miller, a Political Science Professor at the U of I, was accused of offering A’s to women that would let him fondle their breasts. He was charged with bribery, a class C felony here in Iowa. In reality, he probably would plea bargain and have to pick up trash along a highway for 20 hours. Well, he had to go and turn this into a dramatic spectacle. Police have been searching for Miller in Hickory Hill Park. Professor Miller apparently left Tuesday morning and his wife reported him as missing 25 hours later. There was a cryptic note left. Oh, and he purchased a high powered rifle in June.

Hmmmm…

The police traced him to the park using triangulation. They found his car at the entrance to the park with the cell phone inside, several rounds of ammo and no rifle. They now have progressed to “well, he’s probably dead in the park somewhere” mode. Of course, at first, no one saw him or heard a gunshot but now someone said they did see him and another did hear something.

Hmmmm again…

This park is surrounded by a neighborhood and is extremely popular with bikers, hikers and joggers. I’m assuming that more than one person would hear a freaking gunshot from a high powered rifle. And what’s the deal with this park employee? If he saw him, did he see a rifle? If so, why in the hell did he let that slide? Needless to say, I’m skeptical. In fact, I have a feeling the dude has fled the country and is drinking margaritas on a beach in Mexico while fondling the waitstaff. We’d never know, though, because they appear to only be worried about the park. (side note: They did say that they are checking financial records, but this dude isn’t an idiot. If he has had the rifle since JUNE there is no reason that he couldn’t have stashed cash away back then as well. As always, I will change my tune if a body is found anywhere near that park.)

Basically, Iowa City has turned into the OC of the Midwest. I love it, though, as it gives us something to talk about during downtimes at work.

UPDATE!! Several days later, after scouring the park with cadaver sniffing dogs, the body was found 200 feet from the staging area with tracks from the ATVs running right past. This is IC’s finest, folks!! *shakes head*

So, Kyle Orton is going to be the starting QB for the Bears this season.

*silence*

Umm…this guy?

And my personal fav…

No, wait, this is my personal fav…

Adding to the already long list of reasons that overly-analytical parents are pissed off at Disney is the story of the sexually suggestive “High School Musical” underwear.

Wow, it would be a shame if this killed the franchise, huh?

Two men in Georgia claim that they found Bigfoot.

A big hairy thing stuffed in a freezer? Well, I’m convinced! I will eat tons of crow on this if the DNA evidence tells otherwise.

Maybe they also know what happened to the body of the Montauk Monster.

I will put aside all feelings towards the Chinese Government’s treatment of those in their own country, the support of genocide in Darfur, blatant disregard for the environment and the plight of the Tibetans while relaying my feelings on the Olympic games as a whole.

First of all, the Opening Ceremonies were fan-freaking-tastic! What a spectacle! But also, how intimidating was that? I remarked to the sig other how regimes such as those in China and North Korea scare the bejeezus out of me and the Opening Ceremonies showcased why. Their people, their children are just so…well…disciplined and organized. Most people here can’t even get their kids to take out the trash and they get theirs to move in perfect rhythm. Imagine what else they could, and would, do. The Opening Ceremonies were basically a Chinese version of North Korea’s Arirang Festival, or “Mass Games”. The only difference being, of course, the lack of brainwashing and celebration of a dead “Forever” ruler. There are some pretty sweet pictures of the ceremonies here in case you missed them.

Women’s gymnastics is just going to anger me. A couple of us noted how the announcers seem hesitant to pick on the Chinese gymnasts while being extremely tough on the Americans. Shawn Johnson got completely screwed on her balance beam score, by the way. I am just going to assume that any event that involves judges will be a win for the Chinese.

Speaking of gymnastics. There is an age restriction stating that you have to be at least 16. If most of those girls are 16 then I’m, oh, 50 or so. Holy 12 year old!

Possibly the best moment of the Olympics thus far, however, was the 4X100 Men’s freestyle relay. That was, without a doubt, one of the most exciting moments I have ever witnessed in all of sports. The sig other and I were jumping off the couch and screaming in our living room. What a finish! What a stupid thing to shoot your mouth off like that, France. Wow.

The shooting off of the mouths by France is just one element making swimming so dramatic. Of course, Phelps has a chance to make history, and that in itself is potentially quality drama, but I mean scandalous, soap opera type drama.

I give you the story of French swimmer Laure Manaudou. Manaudou was dating Italian swimmer Luca Marin and, long story short, ran away to be with him. After all kinds of issues and drama, she finally returned to France to swim. Her boyfriend ditched her and hooked up with another swimmer, who happens to be Manaudou’s rival. Then, seemingly out of the blue, naked photos of Manaudou appear everywhere. The ex and the rival are blamed to try to throw her off. They, of course, deny this. So, if you cannot watchfor the thrill of competition, you have some good “The Hills” type drama to occupy your time.

I’m hoping for some more excitement as the game progress! I’m sure I’ll update soon as I absolutely love the Olympics and feel like an uber-geek every 4 (ok, every 2 with the winter games) years.

I don’t normally find anything Paris Hilton all that funny. I should say, I don’t normally find Paris Hilton all that funny in terms of a quality humor way. This, however, actually made me LOL; especially when she shares her energy plan. I like the subtle dig in the way that they take, of all people, Paris Hilton and come up with a decent solution and compromise that two Presidential Candidates would never have thought of. To me, that’s the best kind of humor there is.

I was first informed of the pending Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson nuptuals yesterday afternoon. I was rendered speechless. I am still at somewhat of a loss for words. Apparently, Lindsay has been sporting a $22K rock on her finger that was given to her by DJ Samantha. Lohan’s stage mom supreme, Dina, is planning a party to “welcome Samantha to the family” sometime in late ‘08.

Nothing like a lesbian wedding to tear me apart on certain matters! The last thing lesbians need in this world is another Anne Heche, so I sincerely hope that this is a genuine move and not just another publicity stunt. Part of me can see that maybe, just maybe, Lindsay’s issues as of late could be the crying out of a young lady that is afraid to come out. Of course, I’d feel better about saying that if 3/4 of the child actor population didn’t follow the same route.

So, I’ll reserve judgment. But so help me God, if Lindsay Lohan ends up becoming a poster child in the Right wing’s effort to strike down any attempt at gay unions; I will find her and I will bitch slap her while forcing her to watch a marathon of her crap movies starting with “The Parent Trap” and working up to “Herbie Fully Loaded”.

For some reason, I have subjected myself to several hours of MTV over the past couple of days. My GOD it sucks; but I can’t stop watching and watching and watching. Take a journey with me to the death of my good sense.

First up was “Engaged and Underaged”. The show follows a couple under the age of 21 on their path to marriage. In almost all of the cases, they have been dating since like 12 or something. To one-up the other couples, one of them got married, live, on MTV, in Times Square. The whole show basically focused on the fact that they are waiting until marriage to have sex and came damn close to stating that was the reason for marriage (he was being deployed to Afghanistan). That’s great, really, but they kept talking about it so much that I thought when there was 5 minutes left they were going to push them into a room and film that too.

Next was “Date my Mom”. This is the show that hooked us and wouldn’t let us go. Boys, errr, men and in one case a lesbian went on dates with mothers to determine which girl they should date. The moms, in many cases, were bigger whores than their daughters. One mother flashed the guy, which I imagine helped the girl’s case immensely because, you know, that wouldn’t be awkward to see her again or anything. The mothers also had a terrible issue with bringing up stuff the daughters asked them not to. The sig other and I discussed, at length, how our mothers would have screwed a situation like this up. It was ridiculously addictive. I had to turn it off to force us to go to bed.

The only other full show I saw was an episode of Cribs, which featured Perez Hilton. Nothing too much to say about that. Cribs is really tame and is just a Gen X and Y version of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.”

What really got me, and by “got” I mean caused a plethora of “WTF” moments, were the ads for the shows and movies that were coming. For example, this “American Mall” movie coming up. It’s apparently from the same writing team as “High School Musical”. From what I can gather; a girl writes a song, a boy finds it and tweaks it, a mean girl wants to open a store and talks him into stealing the song and using it to pimp out the store. Sadly, part of me wants to tune in. I mean, there aren’t enough stories about retail greed and copyright infringement these days.

Then, of course, there is “The Hills”. Ahhhh “The Hills”. I, sadly, watched some of “Laguna Beach” and think the story of LC should have just died there. Also, I think we are giving girls unrealistic expectations with the whole “I graduated from HS, dropped out of college and am now writing for a major publication” thing. I remember reading an article about how pathetic the under 25 crowd was these days in how there is this large number of people living off of their parents and have no desire to do anything else. I could probably push that to 30 and under as there is a rash of 30 year olds living in the basements of their parents. Now, if your parents are unhealthy and unable to take care of themselves that’s one thing. If you want to mooch under the guise of following your dream when, in fact, your dream is using them for free room and board and no need to wake up and get a real job, that’s another. Basically, what I am saying is that shows like this don’t help that out so much. I’m not buying that LC et all are affording these places on their own.

So, MTV, you freaking win. You won the 3 or so hours of my life that I could never get back and held onto them through this stupid post. Way to go!

With just a little over 3 months to go in the race for the White House, Obama and McCain are finally starting to get the claws out.

First up was McCain:

Here, we see that McCain has turned into a jealous 14 year old girl. While he could have just stuck to the issues, he plays the “he’s popular so that means that he must be like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, I’m not one of the popular girls so that means I’m more like you” card. Then, the energy prices are slipped in there. Granted, no one would hear that part as the Obama-haters are giving high fives, butt slaps (but not in a gay way) and chest bumps while guffawing at the slam and the Obama-lovers and, arguably, those on the fence are sitting there going “ummm…what the hell was that??” Based on what I’ve seen here, I’m pretty sure that the next ad will be “oh, and his name sounds like one of them thar ‘terrorists’ names. Oh, and his middle name is Hussein, so he totally loves Saddam!! Oh yeah, and I’ll lower gas prices.”

McCain should play up to the fact that he is, by and large, a raging moderate. Instead, he plays the “I’m old and unpopular” card. Very disappointing.

Obama responded with this ad:

Now you’re talkin!! He presents snippets from major publications to basically say that McCain is a dirty, rotten liar who just wants to make him look bad. Granted, the snippets could be taken ridiculously out of context, but who’s checking up on that? We’re Americans, we’re a lazy people. Everyone will just say “welp, USA today said baloney so…I’ll just take their word for it.” It may have said “Obama had a baloney sandwich for lunch today, oh and McCain’s ad is good” but most of the population wouldn’t think to check context. Obama found a way to appeal to moderates and the left in one fell swoop, though. He attacked the “mud-slinging” ways of McCain, something that many in the middle detest and brought up alternative fuels, which is something the left will love and cherish. The GOP is still so wrapped up with big oil that they aren’t thinking outside the box on the whole energy issue.

Obama also had this to say in Cedar Rapids yesterday:

In approximately 2 1/2 minutes, he brought up gas prices, the mortgage crisis and unemployment. That is a lot of punch in a short amount of time and it appeals to the big 3 issues of Americans. He attacked the “celebrity” ad, but didn’t dwell on it. Well played.

I will be interested in seeing McCain’s next response. This is going to be an extremely tight race and I have to think that those on the fence aren’t going to fall in love with the candidate that resorts to simple name calling and mud-slinging. McCain appears to be trying too hard to appeal to uber-conservatives and, quite frankly, that’s not the base that is going to be pro-McCain. In fact, we’ll likely see many cons voting 3rd party as they have made their dislike of McCain well-known. Obama, on the other hand, needs to unite the Dems. If he loses, it is because the Dems are fighting amongst themselves and not thinking of the big picture.

Regardless, it can’t get worse than what we have now no matter who wins. Can it?

This video has been making the rounds for a while now, but this was a slightly more extended version than I had previously seen. Even though it is a little old by now, I figured I would post it for the 5 people that may not have yet seen it.

Now, I try not to be this sappy thing, but I admittedly got a little teary eyed when I watched this. I’m a sucker for a good love story.

As a side note, I’ve been to Harrods twice and I saw no lion cubs. What a rip off!