When people think of Iowa, they think of corn fields, pigs, massive tenderloin sandwiches, large amounts of beer consumption on gravel roads, tailgating and giant indoor rainforests. Most people do not think of bat-shit crazy people, incidents and crimes. Here in Iowa City, we’re all about changing people’s views of Iowa by shattering stereotypes of good ol’ midwesterners.

It all started earlier this year with the story of the Sueppel family. I remember being in a state of disbelief over this story, and yet not all at the same time. It seems like well off, WASPy, white collar individuals are most likely to pull this stunt. Whenever I hear about a murder-suicide, I automatically assume they have a six or seven figure income, a mini-van or SUV, a house valued at at least $350,000, they are active in the community and they are most likely dedicated church-going individuals who are, of course, awesome people because of that fact.

Next, the U of I is under investigation for the fact that they “forgot” to give the Board of Regents a document in the case of the alleged sexual assault by two football players. I’m not even going to bother linking anything other than the main page of stories as it is a ridiculous amount of information to process. People think the U of I is a part of a major cover-up and whatnot. While I doubt that, there are a lot of fishy details.

Then there are the random crimes such as the drunk dude who bit off his buddy’s nose, the ninja robbers, the naked burgler, and any number of Iowa Football player crimes.

But, the most recent story hits the freaking jackpot.

Arthur Miller, a Political Science Professor at the U of I, was accused of offering A’s to women that would let him fondle their breasts. He was charged with bribery, a class C felony here in Iowa. In reality, he probably would plea bargain and have to pick up trash along a highway for 20 hours. Well, he had to go and turn this into a dramatic spectacle. Police have been searching for Miller in Hickory Hill Park. Professor Miller apparently left Tuesday morning and his wife reported him as missing 25 hours later. There was a cryptic note left. Oh, and he purchased a high powered rifle in June.

Hmmmm…

The police traced him to the park using triangulation. They found his car at the entrance to the park with the cell phone inside, several rounds of ammo and no rifle. They now have progressed to “well, he’s probably dead in the park somewhere” mode. Of course, at first, no one saw him or heard a gunshot but now someone said they did see him and another did hear something.

Hmmmm again…

This park is surrounded by a neighborhood and is extremely popular with bikers, hikers and joggers. I’m assuming that more than one person would hear a freaking gunshot from a high powered rifle. And what’s the deal with this park employee? If he saw him, did he see a rifle? If so, why in the hell did he let that slide? Needless to say, I’m skeptical. In fact, I have a feeling the dude has fled the country and is drinking margaritas on a beach in Mexico while fondling the waitstaff. We’d never know, though, because they appear to only be worried about the park. (side note: They did say that they are checking financial records, but this dude isn’t an idiot. If he has had the rifle since JUNE there is no reason that he couldn’t have stashed cash away back then as well. As always, I will change my tune if a body is found anywhere near that park.)

Basically, Iowa City has turned into the OC of the Midwest. I love it, though, as it gives us something to talk about during downtimes at work.

UPDATE!! Several days later, after scouring the park with cadaver sniffing dogs, the body was found 200 feet from the staging area with tracks from the ATVs running right past. This is IC’s finest, folks!! *shakes head*