To the tune of “American Pie” with apologies to the great Don McLean

A long, long time ago….
I can still remember
When the Cavs got first pick in the draft
The King said if he had his chance
He’d make the folks in Cleveland dance
And, maybe, they’d have a championship in a while.

But 2010 made us shiver
That LBJ could not deliver
The Celtics won in 5 games
Another year of no ring

I can’t remember if he cried
But I do know that he never tried
And something hurt down deep inside
The day that King James died

So bye-bye Mr. LeBron Guy
Delonte likes your mother
So the playoff hopes died
And those ESPN boys speculate on the side
Sayin’ “NYC or Chi-town for this guy”
Cleveland’s champ hopes went awry

Why does Cleveland have such bad luck?
And why does every team there suck?
Is it still because of the river fire?
They have the hall of Rock N Roll
Canton is just right down the road
But can they win a trophy for the city’s soul?

Well I know the town loves their team
I hear them yell and cheer and scream
They watch them all year round
Though their hearts are stomped on the ground

It has been a long 46 year drought
Not that I need to point that out
Once again the fans are gonna pout
The day that King James died

The city’s singin’
bye-bye Mr. LeBron Guy
Delonte likes your mother
So the playoff hopes died
And those ESPN boys speculate on the side
Sayin’ “NYC or Chi-town for this guy”
Cleveland’s champ hopes went awry

Now, 13 years ago the Tribe was close
2 outs away for the closer’s role
But the Marlins tied it anyway
And we all sat through 11 innings
Every house in Ohio was glued to the TV
And then what happened was the most awful thing

See, while the team was looking down
Renteria stole the Indian’s crown
The city was again spurned
Since then they have not returned
And while the people looked for someone to blame
The hopes and dreams all seemed so lame
People went to drink their sorrows away
The day that King James died

The city’s singin’
bye-bye Mr. LeBron Guy
Delonte likes your mother
So the playoff hopes died
And those ESPN boys speculate on the side
Sayin’ “NYC or Chi-town for this guy”
Cleveland’s champ hopes went awry

Oh my heavens don’t forget 87
When that stupid drive caused coronary defection
98 yards moved by so fast
5 minutes and 2 seconds til they owned their ass
Elway and his damn forward pass
Kosar didn’t ever stand a chance

Now the freezing air reeked of doom
While Cleveland sang the same old tune
They thought they’d finally dance
But the horse-man killed that chance
OT came and they took the field
Those stupid Broncos wouldn’t yield
The OT FG killed the deal
The day that King James died

The city’s singin’
bye-bye Mr. LeBron Guy
Delonte likes your mother
So the playoff hopes died
And those ESPN boys speculate on the side
Sayin’ “NYC or Chi-town for this guy”
Cleveland’s champ hopes went awry

And the city was again in that place
Richfield, Ohio in a final game
You could sense that “here we go again”
So come on, Cavs just win one, please advance
Of course, they just crapped in their pants
Cause winning isn’t Cleveland’s friend

The nation watched 23 on stage
The man had ice water in his veins
You knew he’d cause Cleveland hell
That final winning shot fell
As the people wandered out that night
Lighting trash on fire cause it seemed right
MJ just laughed with delight
The day that King James died

The city’s singin’
bye-bye Mr. LeBron Guy
Delonte likes your mother
So the playoff hopes died
And those ESPN boys speculate on the side
Sayin’ “NYC or Chi-town for this guy”
Cleveland’s champ hopes went awry

The Brownies gave us all the blues
When they just up and moved
Though they would be back someday.
The city went down that sad, sad road
They’d gone down several times before
No one could believe the football wouldn’t play

Now in the streets, everyone screamed
LBJ is the MVP
But no happy words were spoken
Everyone’s hearts were broken.
The heartbreak happens in all venues
Browns Stadium, the Jake and the Q
You just expect the massive choke
The day that King James died

The Cleveland’s singin’
bye-bye Mr. LeBron Guy
Delonte likes your mother
So the playoff hopes died
And those ESPN boys speculate on the side
Sayin’ “NYC or Chi-town for this guy”
Cleveland’s champ hopes went awry

The city’s singin’
bye-bye Mr. LeBron Guy
Delonte likes your mother
So the playoff hopes died
And those ESPN boys speculate on the side
Sayin’ “NYC or Chi-town for this guy”
Cleveland’s champ hopes went awry

LeBron James sinks a last second shot to even the series at 1-1. In case you missed it, it was a thing of beauty:

As if he needed more negative publicity, A-Rod decided to make out with his mirror image for Details magazine.

The best part of this story is that it was shortly before he was outed for using steroids.

The photographer had this to say:

The writer says Rodriguez posed for the photos Feb. 6, the day before the SI report came out, and was “loosening up with shots of Patron [tequila].”

I have to get A-Rod’s back, I suppose. Tequila shots impare your judgment. Just ask Eli Manning and his wife

During the Fox Sports broadcast of the BCS National Championship game; Announcer Thom Brennaman made the following declaration:

“If you’re fortunate enough to spend five minutes or 20 minutes around Tim Tebow, your life is better for it.”

From the looks of it, Percy Harvin agrees.

Well, it was a great game and no doubt an instant Classic. OSU, however, chokes once again on the big stage. It was a better result than the previous two years, but still ended with OSU on the losing end.

*sigh*

There were some sweet moments, though, most notably the sweet fade to Pryor from Boeckman.

There is a bright future. Lots of Freshmen, lots of Sophomores. But this one stings.

Of course, I’m a Cubs’ fan, so this is nothing.

The Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl has sold a whopping 2 dozen tickets.

Since they estimated that the average bowl visitor spends about 240 bucks a day while in town, the $5760 increase in revenue will send shockwaves through the economy of Boise, ID. Unless the number of fans is actually closer to 22 or 23 since the Maryland spokesperson could only estimate the number at “about 16″ and couldn’t pin down an exact figure. The spokesperson later responded by stating “I was told there would be no math.”

The replay booth at the Michigan MSU game this weekend was clearly drunk, delusional or on the take. Of course, it ended up not mattering at all, but how can you call this a TD???

Delany has stated his displeasure and will take possible action against the booth official.

Witvoet and his crew should NEVER be allowed to call a Michigan game.

Dear Cubbies,

Well, here we are again. It seems as if we find ourselves at a crossroads in our relationship one more time. For all that I have given you…my hard earned cash in tickets, clothing and memorabilia, my health due to alcohol consumption and occasional cigarette intake, my undying love and devotion…you have once again given me nothing but heartache.

Oh sure, this is not the first time. This is, however, the worst time in recent memory. In 2003 it was just a choke job. 5 outs from the first World Series in decades and some douchebag Burb boy happens to interfere. It was the curse in play. You know it, I know it, Cub fans everywhere know it. In 2007 it was just plain ol’ disappointment. I mean, you almost didn’t even make it so there wasn’t a lot of shock.

This year, however, well, what is the excuse? This is the best Cubs team that I can vividly remember, winning 97 game and never losing more than 6 in a row. The offense was amazing, the rotation was rock solid. THIS was the year. THIS was the end of a century of disappointment. Except for one thing standing in your way…

…you apparently forgot to show up.

That was the most pathetic display of baseball that I have ever seen. That is saying something since I am, well, a Cubs fan. I know pathetic baseball better than most. I just kept looking for that chemistry, that passion, that fire that won you 97 games. It was nowhere to be found. What I did see was a rotation folding like a cheap suit at the worst possible time, bats falling silent and a team that had a very “I don’t give a shit” feel to them.

I can tolerate losing, of course, but what I have loved about my Cubbies is that feeling that at least you tried. There was also a feeling of optimisim and the feeling that it was truly a year away. Well, guess what, this year was here and I don’t feel that way the morning after you flat out blew it. I feel kind of like a cheap whore who has been used and left wanting more while reading a note left on my nightstand after you slipped away.

This feeling is only heightened knowing that the Tampa Bay Devil Ray fans, the fans of a team that have only existed for 11 years, a team that had trouble selling tickets until this year when they were winning thereby showing the loyalty of fans to be about nil, have a chance to see their guys win it all. They don’t have to suffer. It’s fitting that they are in Florida. After all, that afforementioned 2003 collapse came against the Marlins, who had also existed for 5 minutes and can’t even get 1,000 people to show up for a game. No wonder people from the midwest migrate. They want to be near champions.

But you know, don’t you Cubbies? You know that next year as Spring Training begins that I will again be spewing optimisim for the upcoming season. You know that I will spend the first day tickets are available pulling your website up on unused PCs at my office buying up what I can even though I have to sit in a virtual queue all day to do so and can then only buy one game at a time. You know that I will be drinking a single Old Style that costs the same as an entire case of Old Style (if purchased in a convenient store) within the Friendly Confines. You know that I will be wearing Cubbie Blue and cheering you on with that undying love.

You know don’t you?

Like they said in Brokeback, “I can’t quit you.” A&E’s Intervention could knock at my door offering a free trip to Tahiti to drive me far from the sorrow of October as a Cubs fan and I would turn it down. I live for the highs and ensuing lows and I live for next year.

Besides, it could be worse, I could live in Boston.

So…until next year…

Krista

The University of Wisconsn has suspended their band indefinitely due to allegations of hazing, rampant alcohol abuse and sexual misconduct.

Meanwhile…when asked for a comment…every fan of every opposing Big Ten team responded, “no shit? Who didn’t see this coming?”

The Wisconsin band, or Badger fans in general, are the epitome of classlessness. The horror stories that are told by any opposing fan limping out of Camp Randall are legendary. The stories range from people pelting the opposing team with frozen marshmallows with pennies inside to cursing in the face of 5 year olds by 70+ year old alums. Nevermind their behavior on the road. I can honestly say that this couldn’t have happened to a better fan base.

“We Believe” is becoming ridiculously overused. In just a span of one week, I’ve seen no fewer than 10 sporting events with fans holding up signs proclaiming their belief in their team. Now, I get it for Cubs fans or the fan of any team with a 100 year championship drought (I’m, admittedly, biased) but Apparently every team from the Mets to USF think that belief in their team will push them that extra distance.

Let’s do a quick check on how well this has worked:

Golden State Warriors’ fans believed in their team in the 2007 NBA playoffs. They lost in the conference Semis. The next season, they made an early exit.

Mets’ fans believe. In spite of their belief, they have managed to get eliminated from playoff contention in the last game of the season two years running. In 07, they did it in style with the most epic collapse in MLB history.

In one that hurts me; Ohio State fans believe. That belief has led to epic failures in three big non-conference games. (yes, it did lead to one NC in the 2002 season, but that is soooo yesterday)

Cubs fans believe. That belief has led to 2 straight playoff seasons for the first time in 100 years. Of course, it also led to a 100 year drought in the WS, a black cat circling Santo, Bartman and the Dusty Baker years.

Penguins fans believed in their young team last season. It led to a beatdown at the hands of the Red Wings.

So, keep on believing, sports fans! It appears to be doing us little good. But, in a world where the economy is shit, gas prices are skyrocketing, jobs are being outsourced causing unemployment to rise and we are in endless wars we have to believe in something.